update.

We still own our red couch, but this time we now have a kid to enjoy it with us.  He is really cute, and decided to decorate it with his bodily fluids like a boss (pronounced BAWSS).

My heart is forever changed now that I have become a mother; I have accomplished the greatest thing that I will ever accomplish short of praying my family into heaven.

The most wonderful thing that happened to us

It's not entirely evident in that photo, but me and the hubby made a pretty freaking cute baby if I do say so myself. And I do.

Red Couch

I'm back again, one month later.  Yes, my husband is away.  I'm beginning to see a small pattern with this blogging.  Gilmore Girls has been playing all night, and my project that I was working on last time I posted is still in the works.

14 bins WAS a lot of bins, and hubster has been great about taking in all my junk and helping me organize it so that I can eventually get rid of it.  We now have a book shelf for my beloved books ad photo albums, and it all looks pretty great.  The living room is becoming a home.

The same is happening to my email inbox, bills, and laundry.  Gosh, I sound so old typing this.  The reality is that my Fridays have become my day to get away from the world, sleep off my tiredness, do projects that I've been wanting to do, and do all those household chores that I wish I had the daylight for during the week.

Me with my jolly nephew at his 1st birthday party

As I sit on my beloved new little red couch that we found at the ReStore, I'm relishing this moment.  I'm in our little one-bedroom apartment, full of books, love, art, and stories from our relatively new life.  It seems like I've been here forever, but I really haven't.  It's so difficult to imagine life before marriage, and I think that's a pretty neat phenomenon.

Meanwhile, life is passing.  Babies are turning one, couples are getting engaged and married, and brothers are growing up.  Friends are moving, and music on the radio is changing.  God bless this gift of time that I'm relishing at the moment.

~Esa Cita

friday night project time

It's a Friday night, and my husband's asleep in bed.  The headache monster got him, so I'm left alone to my personal project of the night: spring cleaning, the big project after taxes and insurance (I am soooooooooo OLD!).

My parents had recently come to visit last month, leaving me with the rest of my belongings: over 14 bins of books, notes, and files upon files.  Me, being the sentimental sap, over-zealous note-taker, and hopeless learner that I am, currently own many things.  That's very unfortunate when one desires to live simply and to have the freedom to pick up and move wherever, whenever.

My resolutions for this year have become very much about detaching myself from my stuff, and getting basic.  For me, that is very difficult.  Why I place goals like that on my self, I will never know.

I have found letters that I never finished (or sent), life and missionary notes from years past, and many letters from loved ones, reminding me that I have the worst memory of reality.  I truly live in my head.

It's getting late.  I should go to bed, but I detest unfinished projects no matter huge they are, so this will be a difficult choice.  Especially when they are huge, because they are lofty projects.

Time to let go, and to trust that He has a plan for my projects.

~Esa Cita

P.S. I got married, and my whole life is different and awesome.

And then we were touched by Jesus

I thought I was gonna have a cutesy girl-date kind of day with my dear friend from out of town.  Fortunately, I was wrong.

We had a scone and Swiss coffee at a nearby shop that I had never been to before.  I was impressed, and we had a fantastic time.  We left about 25 minutes early for daily Mass, and I was impressed again.  We got on the highway, and did not have a fantastic time.

While we were on the highway, the two cars in front of us got into a dangerous wreck of an accident.  I felt a sense of peace as I maneuvered, and our car avoided the accident ever-so-slightly.  After the adrenaline left me, my heart began beating fast and the reality of the situation came over me: we were almost in a dangerous car accident. 

As we waited for the police to come, we watched the situation play out from our car on the side of the highway.  An ambulance came within the minute, and the riders of both involved cars were given medical care on-site.  We waited for the police for about thirty minutes, and realized that we wouldn't make it on time for Mass.  Once we finished giving our witness to the police, we were able to leave.  We decided that we would head to the church anyways, in order to pray a rosary for all those involved in the accident.  

We finally arrived at the church parking lot.  I parked the car nervously, and was happy to be outside of a running car.  We walked up to the church.  I shared with my friend that the love of my life grew up in this parish, and she smiled.

We walked into the church, and sat in the back.  As it turns out, we came into the church with five minutes left of Mass.  I realized that Jesus was present, right then and there, to all of us in the room.  At that point, my whole day froze.  I realized that every second of today was, in fact, timed perfectly.  Behold, the Lamb of God.  Behold Him who takes away the sins of the world. Blessed are those called to the supper of the Lamb.  Everything that happened today was a preparation for this moment before My Sweet Lord.

Sabrina and I got down on our knees and responded, "Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter into my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed." (Matthew 8:8) I walked down the aisle from the back of the church just as I will one day with a white dress on November 22nd.  I proclaimed, Amen, and then, I received My Lord and My God.

After Mass, we walked up to the front of the church by the altar.  There, my future Maid of Honor and I prayed a rosary where I will be married in just about five months and two days (but who's counting..!).

The reality was that we were touched by Jesus.  Truly touched.  Our days were a bit shaken, and there was nothing better than to kneel before Him, recieve Him, and praise Him.  Short of loving Him with my whole life, that's what I've been made for.  I remembered that my life was given to me today, just as it is each and every morning that I wake up.  Why do I not sing every morning instead of  glare at my multiple alarms and the sun, which I enjoy so much when combined with sea water, salt, and sand?

Later on that afternoon, another dear friend called to share with me that one of her family members is now dancing with the angels in heaven.  I was moved to goosebumps just through speaking with her.  I'm pretty sure I heard  peaceful, beautiful music playing from her heart when I learned about how she and her family have been responding to the death and new life of their beloved family member.  Jesus was there, kissing their family as they bid farewell.

It's all about Jesus.  Always was, and always will be.  Each soul has been made for and is infinitely loved by its' Creator.  It's all about Jesus.

Today was not cutesy. Today was a song of joy; a peaceful, profound kind of joy not to be confused with cheeriness, or them bouncy little sugarplum fairies. 

Thank you, Jesus, for today.

~Esa Cita

Pride-slappin' Time

It's newsletter night for Cita, which means that every person whom is the reason why I can be a missionary will receive some lovin' from me.

Every time I complete a newsletter for the quarter, I am filled with a big sense of gratitude and tend to come to an embarrassing realization that Jesus really wants to take care of the mission that I'm on.  It's not my effort of fundraising my salary, and it's not my efforts with any of the students that I work with.  It's my heart, soul, mind, and body that's being used, yes; but, I have absolutely nothing to do with this all.  I am not my own, and it's a terrifying thing to realize for a proud soul like mine.

Okay, it's time to sign a bunch of newsletter and cry tears of gratitude for all of my mission partners.

~Esa Cita

Sappy

Tonight, for fun, I was browsing the internet for fantastic words written by an awesome person.  I decided to follow G.K. Chesterton for a little bit.  I came upon his marriage proposal to his wife, Frances.  I don't know why I did that because from now on there are no proposals that can compare with this man's talent with words.

Here are the final three paragraphs; they almost had me in tears.  What a romantic.

“But the second time he went there he was plumped down on a sofa beside a being of whom he had a vague impression that brown hair grew at intervals all down her like a caterpillar. Once in the course of conversation she looked straight at him and he said to himself as plainly as if he had read it in a book: ‘If I had anything to do with this girl I should go on my knees to her: if I spoke with her she would never deceive me: if I depended on her she would never deny me: if I loved her she would never play with me: if I trusted her she would never go back on me: if I remembered her she would never forget me. I may never see her again. Goodbye.’ It was all said in a flash: but it was all said….

“Two years, as they say in the playbills, is supposed to elapse. And here is the subject of this memoir sitting on a balcony above the sea. The time, evening. He is thinking of the whole bewildering record of which the foregoing is a brief outline: he sees how far he has gone wrong and how idle and wasteful and wicked he has often been: how miserably unfitted he is for what he is called upon to be. Let him now declare it and hereafter for ever hold his peace.

“But there are four lamps of thanksgiving always before him. The first is for his creation out of the same earth with such a woman as you. The second is that he has not, with all his faults, ‘gone after strange women.’ You cannot think how a man’s self restraint is rewarded in this. The third is that he has tried to love everything alive: a dim preparation for loving you. And the fourth is – but no words can express that. Here ends my previous existence. Take it: it led me to you.”

Okay, time to get back to reality and stop sapping my heart of its energy.

~Esa Cita

Late night findings

I am currently listening to OneRepulic's new album, and OH, how marvelous it is! As I listen to my favorite (...and only) boyfriend's favorite band, I am reminded of God's loving plan for my life all along.  Every once in a while, I like to get all sappy and think about the journey that He laid out for me.  It's truly an adventure and a joy; nothing can describe Jesus' plans for us like a gift or a dance.

Family Christmas Photo?

Tonight, I had one last dinner with the family before we drive off to Kentucky on Saturday morning so that I can begin another missionary year at UK.  Where this summer has gone I don't know, but I do know that this is a pretty fun and fast life these days.

Blessings from the summer:
May: my "dating fast" ended.  Arrived in VA. Left for Florida.
June: FOCUS New Staff Training in Florida.
July: Left Florida for VA. Family Vacation in North Carolina. Fundraising. Wedding in Cincinnati. Fundraising. Begin 33-day consecration to the Triumph of the Immaculate Heart of Mary: get mind, heart, and soul blown away.
August: Fundraising. About to leave for Kentucky.

Lately, I've been asking God to tell me just WHO I am.  Sound funny? That's because I'm funny like that. I've been getting some really touching answers.  There have been a ton of "oh yeah, that was true all along and I didn't even think about that" moments.  I plan on continuing in my question-asking.  What a dance.

Time for some prayin, journaling, and bed.

Good night, world; stay beautiful.

~Esa Cita

From a lady that caught my attention this summer:
My child, do you see, there is only One; it is He, the Only Truth! Ah, He fascinates, He sweeps you away; under His gaze the horizon becomes so beautiful, so vast, so luminous… My dear one, do you want to turn with me towards this sublime Ideal? It is no fiction but a reality. 
-Blessed Elizabeth of the Trinity