The Awakening Cita

It's gotten to that point in my life where I just won't deal with any more games that people throw at me anymore.

It's not that I don't care and that I'm evil and that all of the sudden I'm a super tough and heartless soul..... it's just that I don't really have the time anymore to be letting myself become emotionally affected by people's actions. I can't afford to let other people's games play with me....so I've become so much more tough and "untouchable." I ignore or push away or challenge or call out what seems wrong....even stronger than ever before. I do it how I do it and I do it everyday....

I should be packing now, but I feel like blogging.....yadayadablahblahblah

I've changed so much throughout high school, and these two years of college, it's crazy. So cool. And freaky. I'm going to be changing a lot more in the next week, I expect it.

Whatever happens, God will bless the broken road to lead me wherever I'm going... :)

I chose the picture "The Awakening Conscience" because it's what I feel best goes along with my life at this point. I awkwardly step out of wrong and awake from my blind sleep and act on my dreams, stepping off from sadness or obstacles that are bringing me down.

~Esa Cita

Something I Didn't Write

Here is a poem that my friend Jenny sent me last night. It captures what I've been feeling so perfectly. I don't know the author, and really wish that I did so that I could give them credit.

After 'after a while'
You want to hold a hand not to chain a soul but
to enjoy its company,
and you want someone's lips to kiss,
not because you are lonely but because you are happy,
and you want to give presents
and you want to make promises.

After 'after a while'
You begin to accept your defeats like an adult,
but like a child, will want someone to listen and care,
and you want someone who will build roads with
you today so maybe you can pave the way for your
future together.

After 'after a while'
You want someone's sunshine and warmth,
but also accept the rain and the cold,
and you want to give flowers picked from your
own garden.

And when your garden is picture perfect,
you want it to be more than a picture
even if it means having to be imperfect
because you want someone in it to stay and to live.

Then you'll see that there is
such a thing as love...
and that you were made to live in someone else's
garden...
and you'll know that there is more to life than
yourself.

Now you realize that no matter how tightly you hold,
if you're meant to let go,
you can.
And then you will understand that love
gives you reasons to understand
even the most complicated situations
And you will grow older believing that just
because you have convictions
doesn't mean you're always right

You will remember because of the smiles
that made your day,
the words that touched your soul.

And as you graciously accept defeat and absorb
the meaning of lessons learned,
You feel that you are finally being the person
you never thought you'd be.

So, armed with courage, strength and confidence,
you will face the world head on...
With or without an army behind you
Because you know your worth and that alone is an armor.

That is all. :)
I read this poem and tears were so close to coming, hah.

~Esa Cita