The Call for Ayuda

I've heard it said (by a fantastic father) that saints have saints for friends.  The statement makes sense: St Francis Xavier and St. Ignatius,  St. Clare and St. Francis, St. Ambrose and St. Augustine; they all had each other, they all lent a helping hand to get the other into heaven.

There was a long-run ramification from their friendship.  They all had short-term thing-a-ma-bobbers that tickled their fancy at one point in their lives.  But, when it came to the real stuff, when it came to the current state of their soul, when it came to who they were and who they were called to become, it was that heavenly friendship that helped lead them home to eternal joy.

Perhaps Ignatius was annoyed by the crazy party-boy Xavier,
but shoot mayne, he loved the kid.

Maybe Ambrose wanted to punch Augustine in the face like he was Santa Clause,
but shoot mayne, he wanted that man in heaven.

We are social creatures with social tendencies and social desires.  That's why peer pressure is a big deal.  That's why the day when I can see that myself and another have befriended each other into the place that which our souls love will be one of the best days of my short time on this little earth.  To love another like myself, oh what a joy!

On that note, I would like to switch the subject matter of what I really wanted to say.

My friend, Ruth from The Itchy Scapular, has lots of words up her sleeve.  Combining words into a beautiful harmony of sass, love, and joy are her forte, and the long-run makes her happy.  She likes the long-run instead of the short-run; she's the long-run's biggest fan.

I am a fan of her long-term happiness.  I just like it a whole lot.  I also like practicing the art of combining vowels with consonants in the hopes of making dreams come true and laughs ring through.  Oh Itchy Scapular, where have you gone?

Write me some words, inspire me some more.  Give this world some of your fresh air to hoard.  (Just kidding, I'll share.  Not hoard.)

Saints have saints for friends.  Bloggers have bloggers for friends.  I want to be a saint and a blogger, won't you please help me out?

The journey to the road

I'm currently sitting at my parent's dining room table, surrounded by a (nearly completed) project that took me about a month and quite a few dollars to finish.  For the past hour, Pandora has been playing the perfect songs for me to listen to, and I'm asking Jesus for the strength and desire to return to Kentucky after such a nice time visiting friends, mission partners, and family.

In twenty-four hours, I'll be back in the land of excellent coffee-shops and conversation.  But for now, I'm celebrating Wegmans' pizza and college friendships, and I'm smiling at these two paragraphs from a G.K. Chesterton essay I found on a friend's coffee-table this evening.

A correspondent has written me an able and interesting letter in the matter of some allusions of mine to the subject of communal kitchens. He defends communal kitchens very lucidly from the standpoint of the calculating collectivist; but, like many of his school, he cannot apparently grasp that there is another test of the whole matter, with which such calculation has nothing at all to do. He knows it would be cheaper if a number of us ate at the same time, so as to use the same table. So it would. It would also be cheaper if a number of us slept at different times, so as to use the same pair of trousers. But the question is not how cheap are we buying a thing, but what are we buying? It is cheap to own a slave. And it is cheaper still to be a slave.

My correspondent also says that the habit of dining out in restaurants, etc., is growing. So, I believe, is the habit of committing suicide. I do not desire to connect the two facts together. It seems fairly clear that a man could not dine at a restaurant because he had just committed suicide; and it would be extreme, perhaps, to suggest that he commits suicide because he has just dined at a restaurant. But the two cases, when put side by side, are enough to indicate the falsity and poltroonery of this eternal modern argument from what is in fashion. The question for brave men is not whether a certain thing is increasing; the question is whether we are increasing it. I dine very often in restaurants because the nature of my trade makes it convenient: but if I thought that by dining in restaurants I was working for the creation of communal meals, I would never enter a restaurant again; I would carry bread and cheese in my pocket or eat chocolate out of automatic machines. For the personal element in some things is sacred. I heard Mr. Will Crooks put it perfectly the other day: "The most sacred thing is to be able to shut your own door."

Kind of a nerdy thing to giggle at, but I find this man's passionate usage of words quite charming and refreshing.

Back to laundry, packing up a car, and possibly sleeping. ;)

~Esa Cita

Cast away that despair produced by the realization of your weakness. It's true: financially you are a zero, and socially another zero, and another in virtues, and another in talents... But to the left of these zeros is Christ. And what an immeasurable figure it turns out to be! -St. Josemaria Escriva

Home Sweet Virginia

It's been twenty-four hours since I arrived at my parents' house in Virginia, and within this time I have:

-gone to Mass, prayed
-gotten coffee with a good friend
-done arts and crafts with a good friend
-colored with my brother
-did work with my brother
-told friends that I was in town
-ate my first family dinner in months

-went to a surprise birthday party, saw lots of old friends

-saw Lauren Murray ♥

It's been so great to be back. Tomorrow, my brother Ricky arrives from the Air Force Academy and the whole clan will be reunited finally!

~Esa Cita

A night for letters and travels

I sit here with my little pink laptop, signing a bunch of letters and listening to a movie in the background. Memories of a time long ago are coming back, and I am reminded of my imminent journey next week to my "hometown" of Northern Virginia.  It's been a while, and I do miss my ole' snobby-yet-familiar stomping grounds.  DC chillin'.  A year ago today, I was making plans to go to Boston, and today I made some to get back home.  Tomorrow, I will be in Nashville, listening to awesome music, and I won't have a care in the world.

Beer, water, coffee, pecan pie, guava, and Cuban crackers accompanied my real dinner tonight as I've been watching movies, reading letters, and gazing at old photos.  I'm digging the neat things that people collect during a short lifetime, and am realizing just how fast the time is passing these days.  Soon enough, I'll be celebrating Thanksgiving with a bunch of Cubans and I'll be surrounded by little people.

But for now, I'll wait...

As if I was waiting at a restaurant.

One time, my girl, Brooke Fraser, wrote a song called Love is Waiting. Maybe I should remember that in a special way this coming week.

~Esa Cita

Missing you

Dear Blog,

I've been missing you. I don't really have much more time that I will be on posting, but I wanted to share a little quote that was placed on my heart today.

[Christ] “intercedes for us, otherwise I should despair. My weaknesses are many and grave, many and grave indeed, but more abundant still is your medicine. We might have thought that your word was far distant from union with man, and so we might have despaired of ourselves, if this Word had not become flesh and dwelt among us.” -St. Augustine

That's what I think is marvelous.


~Esa Cita

Paternal Unit-Favorite Version

~Texting with my Dad~

Me: Who's picking me up from the airport?
Dada: Your favorite father deluxe.
Me: Excellent. Carry on, sir.
Dada: Outstanding.

Galaxies

Tonight, my dear friend whom I affectionately call Kay Kay is sleeping over.  The next morning, we're heading off to Maryland to drop me off at the airport where I will fly to North Carolina, then Florida!

I've missed my dear Florida, so this will be a fabulous adventure.   When I first came to the U.S. as an infant, I lived in Niceville, Florida for two years after a 5-week stay in Alabama.  Yes, it's called Niceville, and my neighbors were very nice. 

Despite its lovliness, I can't wait to get out of dear 'Ole Virginia, the place for lovers.  It's been about five weeks here, and I haven't gone far since I stayed in Illinois five weeks ago.

Sad thing today: I will bid farewell to my boyfriend after we both get off from work.  I won't see him until Thanksgiving, so that's not too cool.  I refuse to do anything silly like sob or say sappy things...that would just be embarrassing. 

Okay, back to cleaning, letter-writing, and doing things today.


~Esa Cita

Warrior Princess Mode

A love stronger than death.

I've always been a Warrior Princess from the day I was born.  Between being the daughter of a Colonel in the Air Force/black belt in Tae Kwon Do/All-Air Force Wrestler, having five ridiculous brothers, and from playing soccer and war with all my cool homeschool dude friends, there was just no way that dresses and and pink could ever compare to the romantic dreams of one day being a flight nurse, rescuing soldiers on the battlefield and then getting shot in the leg from enemy fire as a I pulled a dying soldier into safety.

The funny thing about being a Warrior Princess is that despite the inner tendency to fight, be dramatic, and be tough, there is that extreme sensitivity and royalty that comes with the Princess part.


You get your own room when you're a princess.  You also never really are in grave danger nor are  totally alone despite your passionate and independent tendencies.  You have this ownership and royalty about you, deep inside your soul, one which isn't taken away by circumstance or societal status.  It's written inside of you, and civilization must flock to your standards.


My experience of being a woman has been one where there is a kind of power of being both a warrior and a princess.  I don't really know what it's like to be a man, but I've been told and have seen that it's very much one of awe from a woman's mystery and majesty.

When I was a toddler, I used to ask my Dad to give me a military haircut. I'm so glad now that my mom said no.

When I had crushes on boys, I played freeze tag and beat them to make sure that they were impressed by my stellar skills and pretty shirt.

When I wasn't allowed to go out, I climbed out of my window and jumped off the roof to "run away" ...for a 20-minute walk.

When I had my re-version back into having a deeper relationship with Jesus, it was a St. Ignatius kind of experience. Physical injury from a car accident leading to deep prayer life----yeah, budddyyyy.

When I began developing in my prayer life, Josemaria Escriva became my dude.You know, the guy who tells all his loved ones to suck it up and be a courageous lover of Christ. Sigh, what a stud.

Everything with me has been a battlefield, a dramatic and romantic dance, a roller-coaster passion of life.

That's a bit of why I really really like St. Cecilia.  She converted her husband on their wedding night, and they both died for the faith.  After bleeding for three days with huge slash of the sword on her neck, St. Cecilia died throwing up a sign for the Holy Trinity ("Three persons, One God").  This lady goes hard.  This lady means business: she's a true Warrior Princess.

Amen, alleluia.  I could only dream of one day being on that level of swag.

~Esa Cita

Woot

[insert self important voice here] So I haven't updated much at all lately.  Unfortunately, when you have an awesome life, you can't even properly order it so that you can make posting on your blog a priority. 

Hah, that's a lie.  Priorities are made just like choices are.

What's really true is that I've prioritized other things in my life, and that I look forward to changing my priorities at some point. I've been living in Illinois for the past five weeks at the University of Illinois, and oh gosh it's been the good life I tell you.

I don't often have extra time, but whenever I do, I get to do fun things like have great phone conversations with friends, write romantic letters to this cool guy I know, bask in the life of praying at least an hour and a half a day, the works, ya know. I'm currently training to be a Catholic missionary for FOCUS, the Fellowship of Catholic University Students. The experience is exhilarating to say the least, and I'm learning things about myself that I have never been able to figure out just by living here for five weeks.

Blah blah words.

Going to bed, good night.

~Esa Cita

P.S. An example of what every morning is like for me.

GLOA

You know you're a global affairs major when....

Your new job description is written to include the international community.

:)

~Esa Cita

Complaining

Sometimes, you just wanna complain your afternoon away.

You stayed up really late last night taking care of that fiscal responsibility, and as a result want to start blabbing about that terrible headache you received from the torture.

Maybe you could complain that you have too much work to do for the rest of your life as an adult, and that this is on a dreadfully tight schedule.

Maybe you could complain about the fact that you lost your appetite and that people don't know how to give directions.

Maybe you could complain about your pillow's lack of puffiness, about the fact that two 3-4 hour classes a day are tons of important information to process, or about the fact that you decided to stop complaining for five weeks...and that it's difficult.

Maybe, you could complain about how sometimes you don't spell your own name correctly in cursive. (An awkward reality for..some people)

Sometimes, you just wanna complain.

The sad thing is this:

You forget that you're good-looking, you forget that you're charming.  You forget that you're among the wealthiest persons that ever existed in the history of the world.  Please see George Mason economics professors for details.

Most importantly,you forget that you not only know who you are, but you know where you came from.  You forget that you're just a small part of history...a part where the love story ended happily ever after, a story that already has been won,

So, yes. You have a hilarious life.

Sometimes guys that you have a crush on write articles promoting your ridiculousness.

 Sometimes, they even join you in your ridiculousness if they have a crush on you too.

You go on cool roadtrips,

You meet local celebrities,

And your friends go get baptized into the One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church because the Holy Spirit decided to work through friendships, just as he did in the Roman Empire.

But even more than the good looks,
more than your mother's blunt comments that make your day,
and more than your ridiculous brothers' music videos,
You have been saved, loved infinitely, and as a result nothing will ever be the same.

Salvation History tells us that we have every reason to be joyful.

Also, some really cool guy said that Joy might not seem to rank up there too high in the pantheon of Christian virtues, but a Christian without joy is an oxymoron. Look it up, dear fan of complaining, and fear not.

There's a world full of troubles and reasons to advocate complaining, but there's over thousands of souls that are eternal, which is greater than any temporary pain or comfort.


Wanna see a lady that did it all? Here ya go.

And what is the secret of perseverance? Love. Fall in Love, and you will not leave him.
-San Josemaria Escriva, The Way (999)
 
It's a love story,  I better learn to say and live out "yes."

~Esa Cita

Closer to Love

When I came to you, brethren, I did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God in lofty words or wisdom.  For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.  And I was with you in weakness and in much fear and trembling; and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and power, that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God. Amen.

1 Corinthians 2:1-5

 

 ~Esa Cita

We all die

For the past few months, all my co-workers have been playing our own version of the Hunger Games on Facebook.

We call it: Staff Hunger Games.

The way the game goes is this: the staff are divided into "districts" based on the building that they primarily work at and every couple a weeks, a person "dies" with a story released on how they died.  It sounds a little bit violent and maybe creepy, but I assure you it's a team bonding activity that has created many new jokes and as a result brought us all closer together.

After an entire semester of "staying alive," I was informed by the writer that my death was recently posted this morning. As morbid as I sound by saying that I am very pleased with my death, I assure you that if you were me, you would like it too.

Play this video while reading....

Carmen
District: Johnson Center

Death by Hair Flipping: Carmen was a sneaky little thing. She realized that the others thought she was dead, caught up in the mist that took the rest of her alliance, except Ashley. Since the game was coming down to the last few people, she understood that the time for allies was over; they would all have to kill each other at some point and she prefered not to have to kill someone who had once worked with her to survive. So, she played the Foxface card, being stealthy around the other's camps, stealing enough food to live, but not enough for the tributes to notice. She thought that she could do this long enough to wait until everyone else had killed each other off, not realizing that she was still around, hiding in the shadows. Then one day, she woke up to the sound of someone whistling, "What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction. She followed the song, not being able to resist the catchy tune. When it got to the "the way you flip your way gets me overwhelmed" line, she started flipping her hair, as was her custom before she entered the arena. She was dancing along, flipping her hair crazily. Yulia took this moment of vulnerability and shot an arrow straight in Carmen's back. Carmen dropped dead, but her hair looked fantastic from all that flipping.

Ashley continued to whistle the song as she climbed through the trees.

And that, my friends, was how Cita died. Sneaky, betrayed, dancing/musically inclined, and hair always looking good.


~Esa Cita

Student opportunities

Eric Hutchinson is playing while I study for my International Law final, and for a day, everything stops while my coffee keeps me warm and I enjoy the social acceptability for me to wear shorts, sandals, and my comfy running t-shirt.

The simply things are the most attractive during the "simply a student" days.

:)

Romantic Samantha

You wanna know what's romantic?  When you don't know the future, when you don't know what's going to happen, when all you know is that the current reality makes perfect sense in every aspect of the word.  

You wanna know what makes a wonderful romance? The moment when you face God and realize that now, tomorrow, and even two years from now is uncertain; nothing is secure, and nothing is guaranteed.  

You wanna know what makes a wonderful romance?  Learning to fearlessly trust with your heart that The Lord knows what He is leading you towards, making every moment of that dance with Him completely, totally and Truly the romance that you were made to have.  It's where Happily Ever After is not a future thing to look forward to but is rather a perfect peace of today and this moment.  It's there, do not deny it; it's in that smile, it's in that joke, and it's in that little tear in the corner of your eye that you try so desperately to hide.

~Esa Cita

Boss

My paper is lacking an introductory paragraph, so I typed one up really quickly:

Super awesome intro sentence for a wonderfully perfect introduction paragraph because you’re really good looking.  Just write something that touches on everything yet says nothing at all so that you are forced to read the entire paper and make others think that they have to give you the time of day.  Earthquakes and the environmental health implications from it are in this paper.  People want to read this paper a lot, dangit.  Why? Because I’m a boss, and I’m ridiculously good-looking. 

I think I'm off to a great start.  It has come down to this.  After all these papers in college, you would think that it's all easy.  Nope, suddenly the environment is difficult to want to like anymore.

Senioritis.

~Esa Cita

Not another corny topic

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude.  Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends; as for prophesies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.  For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect; but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away.

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways.  For now we see in the mirror dimly, but then face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood.  So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Make love your aim, and earnestly desire the spiritual gifts, especially that you may prophesy.
 -1 Corinthians 13-14:1

Love is the only perfect thing that exists.  No relationship, statistical analysis, person, final paper, or cause of greatness is more perfect than Love itself.  It stands alone on its own rating, its own standard, its own truth.  It is the only true and pure and perfect thing.  The Truth says so.

So as I write my health paper and study international law, I can have hope that there is perfection, there is beauty, there is something worth being joyful about without submitting to senioritis.  That perfection is called love, and today it stared me straight in the face through friends, loved ones, and those beautiful stars I gazed at when I returned home tonight from school.

~Esa Cita

Everything

Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in a love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.
- Pedro Arrupe, S.J.

hm,

In about a month, your entire world is going to change.

When told that this morning, I gave a little nod and a bit more thought.  Yes, yes.  This is true. It's one thing to come to terms with it, it's another to understand it as reality.  Like knowing that you have to buy clothes, change your home address, pay for rent,  find ways to pay the rent, make a move to two different locations throughout the summer, and meet lots of new friends.

Today, my best friend called me with stories of finals week down in Florida and to talk about her summer plans.  It's getting SO close, I'm getting so pumped for her! Six or seven years of best-friend-ship and now we are both heading off into similar journeys in which we get to share the our lives once again in a super awesome way.  God is pretty cool like that.

So here I am, three and a half hours later at work, talking to people about their thoughts on life, and it is now time to start doing work.  There are three weeks left of school and I need to do that thing called graduation.  From time to time, I like doing that.

~Esa Cita

Library?

Out of character thing that only a person about to graduate does: walk through the reference section of the library in hopes of finding answers to life's questions.

Check.

I couldn't help myself.  As I count down the weeks in my head I can't help but think about how my GMU password will no longer get me access to all those books that I haven't read while attending here.

Only a graduating senior would think these thoughts.


Okay, time for bed.  Classes, meetings, and ministry events await me.  Here's to Thursday!

~Esa Cita

I go back to now

This morning when I woke up, there was something new in the air.  There was a freshness, a joy, a lightness that's even way better than coffee.

I woke up with a smile on my heart and turned my head to the side.  There, in front of my eyes, was a photo of the face of a person that I love so much.  I couldn't help but smile with my lips.

With many country songs playing one after another, I peeked out my windowsill to get a glimpse of the sky.  My favorite color smiled at me, and told me that I was going to have a great day.  "I love you sweetheart," whispered my comfortable bed, and I immediately thought of loved ones that make me smile every single day.  Blowing a kiss to the photo, I cuddled up with my pillow to the thought of my 10AM goal before my 10:30 law class. There's a lovely place waiting for me, why not jump on out of bed with joy?

Easter is in the air.  It's in the sky; it's in the souls. Amen, Alleluia.  What more could one want?

College has given me four more weeks to be a student before I'm supposed to walk around this world, informing all whom I encounter that I was educated at a university in the same way that a Big Mac is cooked, and therefore am worthy of your time.  Nonetheless, as prestigious as I am convinced that a Happy Meal education sounds to strangers, I do not see a need for pretending to be the mature person whom I am not.

Today, I slapped my co-worker on the bottom because she slapped me 3 times.  I also quoted Mulan word-for-word at my house, bounced like a five-year-old during the first twenty minutes of a holy hour, and sang my heart out on the road back home.  Most significantly, I changed the computer background image to a picture of Charmander to spite whichever sibling decided to have it set to a photo of Squirtle.  Life's pretty serious these days. 

I have recently been hit with a little challenge: glorifying my last days as a college undergrad.  There aren't many more chances for me to do this, so I aim to do a lil somethin' somethin' on a daily basis.

My dear friends should expect pranks, laughs, smiles, and jokes.

Happy Easter!

~Esa Cita

Your mom's pretty great.

"She is the one whom every man loves when he loves a woman--whether he knows it or not. She is what every woman wants to be, when she looks at herself...She is the way every woman wants to command respect and love because of the beauty of her goodness of body and soul. And this blueprint love, whom God loved before the world was made; this Dream Woman before women were, is the one of whom every heart can say in its depth of depths: 'She is the Woman I love!'" (The World's First Love)

The REAL perfect woman.

~Esa Cita

Good stuff

Welcome to another one of those days, honey.  It's a morning pack-up for the day until midnight and a walk or two in the wrong direction, but it's okay because I love you so much and you make other hearts shine when you give of your love.  Love conquers your coffee and your desire for completely acquiring what you wanted.  It's three minutes here, 5 minutes there; we are all just here together to share in life and maybe you can throw a couple jokes in that another person's way.

It's when you suffer that you learn what it's all about and how clear it is that the important things are just that--important.  It's when it hurts that what truly defines your personhood is clarified.  So walk with a smile, swing your hips from side to side, and remember that life is good. 

~Esa Cita

Why there's class today...

A long, long time ago...in America, not so far away...



"Hmm, I like declaring rights."


George Mason: Hey man, the constitution kinda sucks so I attached a list of the capital defects that we need to address.  Ya know, it may not be a bad idea to re-write this constitution because it's important...we need to make sure that the support we're receiving on this current draft is based on the right reasons.

"I really don't like Mason anymore."

George Washington: What?! What the heck are you talking about! You know what? I'm mad at you and I don't like your harsh criticisms.  I don't wanna be good friends with you anymore, and I'm gonna be famous one day so you won't be remembered like all our other Founding Fathers/Constitution Framers.  Good luck finding yourself in 5th graders' memories, jerk.

George Washington became the first president of the United States, and to this day most people don't have a clue who George Mason is. 

The George Mason Statue at George Mason University faces away from the Washington Monument because of their disagreement.

On George Washington's birthday/Presidents Day this year, George Mason University had classes.  It's a normal day, just like any other. Why? I'm gonna say it's because my school is B.A. and likes to stick it to the man with statues and ignoring birthdays.

I may be wrong in providing the "reason" as to why I still had my class this morning, but I'm in a bragging mood so I'm going to assume that everything was normal today because George Mason University really likes the Bill of Rights.

~Esa Cita

Who is George Mason? I dunno, lemme read some stuff.

Good Morning, Sunshine

Ever had one of those mornings when you JUST.cant.get.up. ?  I did this morning.

7:30AM is just not always my favorite option in the wintertime; it's cold, it's cold, and it's cold.  I'm not a fan of either of those options, and after a day of having a headache..it was just not happening.

Turning my groggy head to my window for hope, I opened up my shades for a sunny surprise.  Sure enough, the sky was the color of that beautiful morning blue that usually makes me smile.  And then Taylor Swift started playing in the background from my radio alarm. 

Thank you Jesus.

Some people just get me. :)


~Esa Cita

Life v.s. Love

Don't you worry your pretty little mind; people throw rocks at things that shine and life makes love look hard.  The stakes are high, the water's rough, but this love is ours.

-Taylor Swift

All I heard was blah blah love blah..

Maybe it's the fact that today I watched the second-crappiest movie I've watched this year

I will admit that the fight scene is totally awesome.

 ...or maybe it's the fact that I've been going through all my belongings in preparation for a new stage in my life.  Maybe it's the fact that I have a meeting in the morning at 11:30AM, or perhaps it's because I ate five cookies, or perhaps because I went to Panera this morning.

The world will never know.

One thing is certiain: the past came back for a visit today.  Memories of the past few years came back, and I started thinking and asking myself questions.  Although I know the answer, I had to ask myself over and over again to make sure that I knew why things were the way that they are.  The female mind is funny like that---we like to be reassured; even by ourselves, if necessary.

The moment the credits came on the screen of my pink (pink!?!?!?) laptop, something changed.  I realized that everything was really different--and it really was real.  The same crappy movies no longer appeal to me as they did to my teenage almost-true beliefs on what love really is.  Don't get me wrong dear 18-year-old Cita with a broken heart, you were headed on a pretty stellar direction way back then...but you had lots to learn.

The same desires that I had during my first winter break of college no longer ring true at all during this break.  The same goals and aspirations for success? Nope, that's been changed once again after a year or two of searching.

Just to see that I wasn't dreaming, I went on my Facebook page to see what it could tell me about myself.  I am still Carmencita Garcia--this time, my last name has the accent on the letter I, something that always made me feel kinda cool especially since my middle name has that too.  I attended two high schools, graduated from one, held a job or two, interned at my dream internship, and majored in Global Affairs with a concentration in International Development.

From the looks of this Facebook page I am currently in a relationship with a good-looking individual who I befriended on weekend 1 of college.  He seems to be one of those really awesome people that make you think, "wow, that's one chill guy with a lot of common sense---I want to be his friend."  But that's just Facebook, who knows just what I am in real life.

A MySpace friend.

If you continue to read my page, you'll see that I now confidently consider my life to be not just any life, but the Good Life.  I also have a cute video of an overconfident child whom I consider to be my little man---that kid is probably my world and I may love him so so much.  But that's just Facebook, who knows what I am like in real life.  I also seem to be a fan of this thing called Love with a capital L and consider each day in which I live to be a blessing.  Now WHAT kind of hippy is this girl?  I bet she calls this "Love" -- her God.  Awk-ward.  Eh, that's just Facebook--they always say things like that.

But wait, this whole Facebook page looks like a bunch of internet remnants of a happy soul.  Quotes about seeking happiness, this quote about some adorable child needing to finish his dinner plate, and even some glorious stuff about suffering!  Additionally, there is no way she is actually related to a Colombian, two different types of Asians, and a Puerto Rican.  I mean, her profile says she's Cuban, dangit! Real Cubans like Jose Marti; she's definitely Cuban.  What a jokester.  Don't believe everything you read on the internet.

The truth of the matter is, things are not the same.  They are, in fact, very different.  I now sit in a painted (PAINTED?!?!?!) room, surrounded by photos of persons I love and overdue Christmas presents for souls whom I would not have met had I not encountered Love in a deeper and more personal way.  No, things are not the same.  I love it.

The truth of the matter is, I now am surrounded by a dream world that I almost don't recognize despite the fact that every piece is so wonderful and an integral part of who I am.  I almost don't recognize it because it is just so beautiful to me.  The truth of the matter is that life has never looked this peaceful and exciting since I grew out of playing War with the guys in good ole' Valdosta, Georgia.

I never dressed like that. Hats were for wimps, and pigtails were for little girls.

The credits came on the screen today and I saw that I am a different person.  While all along I was searching for the same thing that we all search for, the irony is that I don't want the same "things" that I listed on the seemingly universal search for truth.  I want (and wanted) what matters: love.  It seems like it looks so different despite the fact that it's all we search for in the end.  I still want it more than ever; but this time, I feel like Love found me and was like, "hey, this way okay ?" and then I was like..."oh, that makes a ton more sense.  Cool beans, now let me apply that to my day to day life."

I am a senior in her last semester of college.  I am preparing in a few ways that I can to enter into a new stage; the stage where I worry about where my address book is and if I have any stamps to send Amy a letter because I can't ask Mami to get me some this time.  I will also be forced to cook my own picadillo.  (Don't worry--today I bought an address book, the other day I wrote down the recipe, and this past summer I bought enough stamps to last me until today with some extra to spare.)

I'm preparing by learning what it means to love.  (I'm doing this so that one day when Lil' Wayne asks me how to love I can explain to him eloquently as to why that girl never really had luck and couldn't ever figure out how to love.)  As a self-proclaimed expert of maturity, I decided at a young age that I understood what love, sacrifice and giving meant.  Today, I realize that I understand more and I couldn't have been more funny (embarrassing) to watch from the sidelines.  It's like the blindfolded puppy following the voice that it recognizes and reaches with all it has to get to that familiar voice only to find out in the end that she took the really long way to get to the final destination.  Silly baby.

Disclaimer: Just because I posted a photo of a child does not mean that I consider children to be puppies.  Children are far better-looking and therefore superior.

I've done a lot of thinking about love and abandoning oneself with vulnerability when it comes to to what is next in life.  When I shared that back in November with a missionary who makes a living out of being vulnerable and loving, he laughed and told me it was just the beginning.  Silly adults.  Way to remind me that I'm a simple child in life.

As cliche as it goes, I know that this is only the beginning.  Though I am in shock of how much things have changed for me in the past three and a half years here in college, it probably does not compare to what's to come in the next few months, years, or even decades.

I have posted way more words than I've ever wanted to post.  Unfortunately, I've broken one of my new year's resolution tonight.  Unfortunately, I am now exhausted from thinking, dreaming, writing letters, and setting up things for my future.  Unfortunately, I have lost interest in wrapping my thoughts up in a cute conclusion that makes my heart feel warm and fuzzy.

But tonight, it's okay.  Because it's January 19, 2012 and I graduate in four months.  Because...I'm living happily ever after right now.

~Esa Cita

The Atheist Got It-Catholicism Answers

There has been a video circulating YouTube that quite frankly makes me laugh and roll my eyes.  Fun video-editing, cute poetry tricks, and a hipster jacket does not guarantee you with the truth.  Truth does.

After this video was posted, there was another video posted by a YouTube guy named The Great Atheist. (please excuse the cussing, he just REALLY gets it)

He lays it down from a non-Christian perspective, which is great demonstration as to why that popular video is wrong and at the core falls short of an important truth.  The Great Atheist gets it---God tells us to do the radical.  He says that He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  He has come to bring swords, not peace on earth.  What does this mean?  This means that as Christians we are required to give our lives, love Him the most, and yes, follow HIS religion that He placed on earth.

Christianity was never meant to be a spectator sport.  It is a Way of Life, which requires faith and radical Truth to follow.  The Great Atheist lays down what probably is the main reason why I choose Catholicism.  The relationship with God requires faith and choosing...the only thing worth it.  There is something that comes as a result of a relationship with Jesus.

Coke is soda----yes, it really is.

But enough bashing from a non-Christian perspective, because that doesn't tell the whole story.  What is the answer to the lies in the video?  What's the next step?  Catholicism.

BadCatholic, my favorite Catholic blog out there at this point, totally boom-roasted the I-love-Jesus video.  Please read---he lays it all down perfectly.

I won't add any more argument-wise. There have been multiple poems, posts, and videos posted in the last 48 hours about it.  I simply want to share the truth, because that's all that matters.

At the top of his blog, Marc has a beautiful quote: "Let your religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair." (GK Chesterton, the man whom my dear friend Ruthie calls her soulmate)

Truth exists, the Incarnation happened. As a result, humanity is never the same. Christians believe what we believe and follow what we follow because we fell madly in love with the Best Thing that will ever happen to us.  We're freaks, we're dorks, we've chosen something radical.  There is something crazy that

Here's some videos with truth, truth, and truth for my visual friends.

~Esa Cita

My Favorite Bedtime Story Ending

As God continues to amaze us all with His plans for us, He guides us into a life where the music softly plays a beautiful song in the background. 

Every day, a new story comes into being, and that my dear sleepy friend, is how we can say that our heroes Samantha and Jorge lived happily ever.  So rest your head, close your eyes, and know that God is good.

The End.

 

Protect us, Lord, as we stay awake; watch over us as we sleep, that awake, we may keep watch with Christ, and asleep, rest in his peace. Amen.