Todays To Do List

Confession last Thursday. Lesson learned: need to be kinder to myself so that I can be kinder to others.

Adoration last night. Lesson learned: I need to start working more on loving myself because Jesus gave so much out of love. He deserves more love from me, so I need to start appreciating myself and try to understand how to love His creation more. That's the only way I can start living better.

And I need to take better care of my back....I need to do my exercises. My backs not getting better....and this ain't good. But first I need to finish this EVPP assignment.
I also need to eat lunch cuz I'm really lightheaded and getting spells...not good.

Reminders for today after I get out class:
-eat more
-do back exercises
-prayer

Owwwieeeeeee. Need my motrin.
I'm about to whip out this EVPP assignment real fast like no other.

~Esa Cita

Tough Conversation. Growing up?

Yes, it's what the title says.

I had a tough conversation today. It was a grown up one. Not that I never have mature conversations, but this particular one was really difficult. Speaking from your heart is tough, even if it is on a Facebook chat.

Sometimes I like to think back to the times when sucking your thumb and holding on to your teddy bear would solve a problem.

To some extent, I still think that it does. (Except the sucking your thumb part...)

That's why for Holy Week, I'm giving up my teddy bear along with my other personal sacrifices. If I did still suck my thumb, I probably would give that up too.....but thankfully I grew out of that about about 15 years ago.

Last night I found myself in a scary situation, please read a diary entry from last night, provided below...

Diary entry of last night:

"Okay. I'm different. I've changed a lot. It's a Saturday night and I'm doing homework, and honestly feel okay with that. Something is wrong, or right. I am happy & I am being a total geek. Ana laughed at me, and Tim said that his lil Carmen is growing up. Perhaps my joke that turning twenty makes you wise will actually happen this summer."

I think growing up is hard. It's no fun. It's no fun to try to make people understand your decision. It's no fun when your priorities change and other people are affected. It's no fun. :/

But I know what's important to me. I know that I have to sacrifice not pleasing everyone. I know what my heart is telling me and what I consider worth the aggravation.

The most important thing to remember is to be able at any moment to sacrifice what you are for what you can be. Uhg. What a Lent it's been.

Off to edit another paper for Spanish. Can't wait to be finished with my last Spanish class ever! I'm talking about "tradiciones" that my family brought from Cuba and how they kept them alive in America.

~Esa Cita

Spanish Homework.

I can't stop getting out of my chair or going to some distracting website. So I'm leaving this blog up and whenever I get distracted will type whatever's on my mind and get back to work.


-I'm currently listening to a country music channel and doing Spanish homework. hehe
-Sunday will be over in ten minutes, wah. :( Don't leave me Sunday. :(
-Rascal Flatts writes the most tear-jerking lyrics sometimes.
-I could care less about the passive voice in Spanish. Seriously.
-I didn't know Waiting All My Life was a song my Rascal Flatts
-I'm listening to Rascal Flatts. I find them lovely.
-I just put away my teddy bear. I'll miss Oso. :( Dangit, I miss him already. :(
-I wish my teacher was more specific as to what the midterm was going to be. I feel like an goose in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean trying to find the Pacific... way too far off from the Panama Canal.
-It's 12:01 and I'm not finished with my Coke. But I'm not gonna waste it.
-I wish I had money.
-My teachers gonna want me to have a strong opinion on A Day Without a Mexican, but I'm a girl of few words sometimes. Especially around her.
-I love to love you out loud.
-I just bid good-byes and i love you's to my phone talking buddies. I miss them. <3
-Take Your Shirt Off by T-Pain is way to catchy of a tune. It's not good, especially if I get it stuck in my head in church.
-Distracted. Music is too sweet. JoJo. <3
-uhg. im going to bed after i finish re-writing this stupid spanish.

3 hours of sleep. typical monday..... wah.

Another Distracting Thought

I'm not a freshman anymore. Seriously. I'm not.


I don't like that. I'm a big girl now. A big college girl. I need to do things like get an internship and dress like a lady and not always use childish vocabulary. This is the time when having a job is essential. Grades are


I was on Facebook and was looking at a wall-to-wall that I have with a friend. We met when I was a freshman and my nickname was freshman. A year later, I let him know that I was a sophomore although the name freshman was welcome to stay. Now, another year later, I won't mind sticking it back on although there's no way I'd REALLY want to stay a freshman. That was such an ew year.

I'm just not a fan of what's being expected of me, partly because I want more out of myself and I want to radically change things in my life.

Oh Wait.

Hold on a seconddddd. I'm not done blogging.

I forgot to mention that on Thursday night, I saw someone whom I haven't seen since 8th grade graduation in 2004.

My old classmate for 8th grade!!!

Ahh memories. We did a little catching up for about 45 minutes, and then I had to call someone for my sorority and go to a meeting. It's funny how much things have changed since 8th grade.

"Angelus Academy?"
"8th grade?"
"Yessss"
[high five handshake]
-People around stare at us-

Such is the life. Gotta love it. One of the first things he said to me was that I was the Valedictorian and he was the Salutatorian.

6 years later, I really don't see the significance on my life today. I didn't include 8th grade in my resume for college, won't put it on my resumes for my future jobs once I leave college.....and if I ever reunite with my old 8th grade school, I think I'm going to be more interested in the little chapel 150 children squeezed into and that crazy clapping song we had to sing EVERY SINGLE MORNING.

A Day Without A Mexican

At The Disney Mall in Orlando

Today I watched A Day without a Mexican as I:

drank Coca-cola,
held on to my teddy bear,
ate chocolate chip cookies,
and relished the fact that I had slept in this morning AND talked on the phone until late last night.

Sundays during Lent are SUCH a blessing.

Although I had started going weak on my resolutions for the past few days, I will go into this week strong. I cannot let the difficulties get to me. I gotta re-gain my energy!
Today at Mass part of Psalm 126 stuck out to me:

"Although they go forth weeping,
carrying the seed to be sown,
They shall come back rejoicing,
carrying their sheaves. "

Me likey.

My goals for the week will be the following:

• keep up with daily morning prayer. got shaky last week.
• kick butt on my Spanish Midterm
• kick butt on my EVPP paper
• do something non-school or stress related for more than an hour
• keep up with the Lent sacrifices.
• Be happy.

My mom said that I looked like I was suffering and though that it was because I have allergies. While that may be true, that's not the real reason. May God grant me many opportunities to safely find peace and joy in my day to day life.

Now it's off to find some cookies and start doing more Espanol work. Joy joy joy.

~Esa Cita

Gloomy.

Yooooooo, it's been quite a while.

I'm so stressed from school it's not even funny. Enough to make a girl gloomy.
Bleh. Caring about school sure has its downs.

Things have been tough lately....I have to wake up every morning to take my dad to get to the VRE by 6:45 and then I take either the Seton kids to their carpool or the St. Bernadette's kids to school.

Then my mom takes me to school. There's lots of car sharing going on.

I'm in need of a break!!! Only 7 weeks left of school and I can't wait for a long long long weekend.

Well, I'm going to get on my economics reading, cuz I need to do Spanish work.
MIDTERM-o. Blehhhh.

This picture is from Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs.

Okay, I'm off.

~Esa Cita

All Because Two People Fell in Love. [insert sigh here]

"Two People Fell In Love"

A baby's born in the middle of the night in a local delivery room
They grab his feet, smack him till he cries he goes home the next afternoon
'Fore you know it he's off to school and then he graduates in May
Goes out and gets a Ph.D. and then cures all sorts of things
Wins a Nobel Prize and saves a million different lives
The world's a better place for all he's done
It's funny when you think about the reason he's alive
It's all because two people fell in love

Right now at a picnic shelter down by Caney Creek
You'll find potato salad hot dogs and baked beans
The whole Wilson family's lined up fillin' their paper plates
They've drove or flown in here from fifteen different states
Well Stanley Wilson says that sixty years ago he knew
That Miss Emma Tucker was the one
Now five generations get together every June
All because two people fell in love

There ain't nothin' not affected
When two hearts get connected
All that is, will be, or ever was
Every single choice we make
Every breath we get to take
Is all because two people fell in love

Well, I recall a young man who was driftin' aimlessly
And a young waitress who seemed lonesome as could be
But in a little cafð³ right off of fourteenth avenue
With a whole lotta help from up above
We met and things sure turned around for me and you
And all because two people fell in love

Baby, there ain't nothin' not affected
When two hearts get connected
All that is, will be, or ever was
I'm glad your dad could not resist
Your mama's charms and you exist
All because two people fell in love

You know, to me it's all so clear
Every one of us is here
All because two people fell in love

A baby's born in the middle of the night in a local delivery room
They grab his feet, smack him till he cries he goes home the next afternoon

The Beginning and the End: the most important thing to remember.

Alpha & Omega.

Grr.
My back is still hurting and I've already taken my meds...why do they not work?!?!?!

Uhg.
Maybe they're working, it's just that my real pain is so bad that my meds can only make it LESSER....

I read Hosea 6:something this morning and it was about how many people wail to God when they should be going to Him with LOVE.

Without love, it's useless. Everything you do is pointless. Just think, a great big waste because you thought that actions alone are what save you.

It got me started to thinking about how many times I've been in a situation where I'd end up wailing and wailing to God to fix my problems, even with great faith that He would answer. Although, for some reason, those wailings of "prayers" just didn't seem right. I guess that's what the problem was. I wasn't being in a relationship with Him when I was crying out, I was just wailing and expecting Him to save me, like a little spoiled brat that doesn't want a relationship with you...she just wants you to buy her those M&M's at the check-out counter of Giant/Winn Dixie/Navarro's/Safeway/Schnuck's.

It's the relationship, and I couldn't even see it until now. I knew that there was some type of special thing that went on when I prayed and knew that He was there; that He would hear and take care of me.....It was when I would be in a relationship with God. Unfortunately slow little me can't seem to put two and two together and realize that it's the relationship. Gotta love how the simplest things can get overlooked.

So, my goal is keep building this relationship up.
I need to get tougher on my Lent sacrifices this coming week, the meds weren't letting me but I'm gonna try to get out of bed on my Lent time. My meds aren't as strong on my anymore!

Oh yeah, and I'm finishing up my case study TODAY. Yes, I will. No if, ands, or buts. It's due tomorrow via email and I need it to be good. Maybe I'll even get started on my Spanish hw. Oh that would be nicee.

Tomorrow is my Godfather's birthday! We're all going out after Mass and then coming back home for cake. Mmmmmmmmm. I love Sundays during Lent.

Now, it's back to researching the Philippines. Their governement is making me mad, I haven't found much progress in new data....so that means that either my case study is going to be super depressing because they aren't succeeding in attempts to better the wastewater situation, or that I'm just an idiot that hasn't researched enough. It may be a mix of both, because anything published in 2010 or 2009 is using info from early 2000's....these fools I tell ya.

~Esa Cita

Accents

As I watch this video to get info for my case study of the Philippines in my environmental public policy class, I'm finding it quite difficult to understand just WHAT some of the officials are saying ...

due to their HEAVY Filipino accents.

Normally I would find this cute and fun, but since I actually want to know what they are saying, it makes things a bit tough..


I thought I'd blog about it...it's quite noteworthy to me and will be heavy on my mind for the next 45 minutes.

~Esa Cita

Friends.

NYC Last Summer.

It's amazing how much we humans are affected by friendships.

Simply having a person to hug can mean the difference of all sorts of life-changing decisions.

Loneliness brings out the miserable in people, it's so crazy how one small conversation can make everything seem so much better.

I'm grateful to my friends, a big reason why I can smile all the time and can be cheery; a motivator for many of my confidences.
God bless my friends.

~Esa Cita

Environment & human health

Okay, so I never got back after that lil break I left last post...

Sorrryyyyyyy :( I have a lot to say, a lot that's going on. I'm so glad it's break right now because I have way a lots of things to blog about.

Buttttttttt.........

I just wanna say that I'm pretty disappointed in the Philippines right now..

It's very difficult to find concrete data on what's going on health-wise with the access to sanitized water and sewage problems...which affects a ton of people there....and it's making my research REALLY difficult.

Maybe I'm not looking in the right places, but uhg. I'm not a happy camper.

My teacher gave me an extension because of my little breakdown Wednesday and the accident/ER visit I had on Thursday.....but dang.

Third world countries really aren't impressing me right now with their available information...


Okay, back to research and finishing this paper so I can concentrate on life choices I need to make and such.


~Esa Cita

Success & Unemployment

Throwback Pic.

This picture is Matt and I two years ago!

I was too short of a girlfriend because in so many of the pictures that I find of both of us he's cut off in some way haha.

Now I feel like a big jerk with no photo-taking aim...it kinda goes along with the joke between us. We like to joke that I was the heartless one of the relationship and that he was the loving one. Random thought.

I can't believe it's been two years since high school. It's ridiculous.

Last night, I had the urge to go on my facebook and look at old albums....ooohh I look different now.

(to be continued...i have a 1,000 word case study due at 12 and i need to leave at like 1130)

romans 8:18

"I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us."

My favorite favorite bible verse lately.


~Esa Cita

Tuesday, the day.

The Marriott I Stayed in Florida Over Winter Break

Today I called Dan's cousin Christina about a job, ahhh I was nervous for some reason!


It's weird how the randomest things make you nervous. Maybe it's the fact that I need a job so much that calling her became so important to me. I'd much rather have the I-Don't-Care Confidence, that works so much better for me and makes things easier to handle.

Today I don't have any major assignments due!!!! Shocking! I can't beleive it. I took advantage of this and put some of my clothes to wash. Speaking of which, I need to put my clothes in the dryer...be right back...

[few minutes have passed]
Okay, I'm back. :) Miss me? Probably not. In reader time, this has taken about half a second...in reality this took about 3 minutes. Ah, the advantages of blogging.

So, like I said, I have no major assignments due. I read my assignment that's due today last week so I finished my homework...my paper is due Thursday and my ECON discussion is tomorrow. Yahoo for random breaks in the week. Anyways, I should probably pack all my things for today...I have a long fun day ahead of me. I'm going to class, then to Coastal Flatts to apply for a job there, then to the gym, then showering and off to a Chivalry dinner with my brothers.

Oh man, I need to think about this. Pack:
-Job Application :)
-Gym clothes n shoes
-Shower stuff & blowerdryer & makeup
-Dinner clothes

Okay I got this. My first class starts at noon, so I should probably get on this stuff. Plus I should start preparing for my ECON discussion since I won't have any time today....yahoo for lifeeeeee!!! hahaha

I love Tuesdays, I end at 2:45 and that makes me really happy because that's early to me.

Yesterday was pretty amazing because I found out that I got a B on my paper that I thought I would do horrible on...and my teacher is giving us all the chance to re-write, so there is a possibility that I could get an A and that would be so so amazing!

Oh man, morning prayer...gotta do that. Okay, back to busy Carmen mode...buhbyess

~Esa Cita

New Week

I miss this.


I decided to deactivate my Facebook account for the week.


Gasp gasp gasp, I know. But..... I wanted to get less addicted to it since the beginning of last semester anyways, that's the reason why I started this blog and I was spending about 3 hours last night on it when I should have been finishing my spanish paper and speech.

I woke up today at 7:24, YESSSSS, I met my new week goal today! Tons of coffee and motivation did thhe trick, I fell asleep in the car for about 2 minutes but I DID IT!!!! haha I DIDNT go back to bed, I took a shower, and now I'm supposed to be finishing my spanish paper!!! Gah.

I chose this picture from conference because I want to remember how I felt. I felt like heaven. Everyone praising Jesus all the time, so many people that I loved where there...it's like the small taste of heaven that I can savor for the future. When I go to heaven (...if of course but I'd like to think that I am) I just know it's going to be like Conference only BETTER! Family members, friends from college, friends from high school...all it'll be this grand party of people on fire for God with God....only this time, it'll be FOREVER. FOREVER. I won't ever be able to fathom that distance, but just the thought that I'll be happier than I was back then makes me so excited. Knowing that I'll be able to have a perfect peace...FOREVER...it's just so excited. Sometimes I get so excited to die because I know that there is nothing compared to what is to come.

Back to spanish, I have 45 minutes until I need to leave for class. GAHHHH!!!!!!

I have come to realization that I'm a miserable person when I'm not on top of my homework.

~Esa Cita

New?

I'm tempted to get glasses like these sometime for fun.


So I have been looking at my posts lately...
and they have gotten yucky compared to the posts from the summer.

At least in my opinion. "Bleh," as Tim likes to say. I like my first few posts ever better.

This weekend, cooked for Coffeehouse, went to the basketball game, went job hunting, went working out, got my adapter fixed with a new cord, got a job reference, went to d-ship chain brunch and went to only ONE Mass tonight!


Brunch was fabulous today, Olivia almost made me die because she told me to make a right on a road that didn't exist to my right....a house/church/library/building did. She also compared the FOCUS familes to Harry Potter houses. We are of the Slitheran (sp?) House due to our amazing wit and sass. Ruthie has little Japanese people the size of a Hersey's kiss for guardian angels because those were her imaginary friends back in the good old childhood days. I love it. Best fam ever.

Job hunting and working out!!! The twins are sweet, we got so much stuff done I'm actually kind of excited to be getting a new job even though it's going to mean that I'm probably going to have to say goodbye to any form of social life for the next few months due to my busy schedule...gotta love ittt. I'm going to need to cut down even more...which I'm kinda sad about...:/ Bleh. I don't want to say buhbye to choir, but it might get down to that for this semester.

Speaking of choir...tonight at Mass were these terrible kids that kept giggling and wiggling the aisle next to us. I pushed their kneeler down on them in hopes of it getting in their way or them getting offended but getting the message...but no, they kept wiggling and giggling. Their mother was furious. I bet they got it good once they got in the car. Ahh this brings me back to when I'd misbehave in church as a kid....my mother would have a cow it was so ridiculous. It was kind of interesting, this morning my baby brother augie was getting one of his first after-Mass scoldings. Kinda made me smile that he's old enough to understand scoldings and actually pout.

I have the final edit of my spanish composition due tomorrow along with a 2 minute presentation on it. I still have 50 more words to add to the length....and I need to do my homework still. Terrible procrastinator. It's just that.....I had to go job hunting and basketball gaming and working out---ing. Not to mention the necessity of family brunches.

I think I'm going to work until 2. I need to get sleep and shower time.

I need to pray as well. I did at Mass of course, but I haven't had my quiet time today and yesterday either..

Fact: I am listening to Summertime by New Kids on the Block. Fun fun fun. :)

Goals for this week:

• raise my lenten wake-up time to 7:30!!!!!! Next steppppp. I got this I got this I got this. COFFEEE.
• stay on top of ECON homework
• My EVPP Paper: do awesome on it
  

That will be all. I have an hour left until I'm going to hop into bed.

~Esa Cita