Late-Night Peace

A party for my taste buds.

Random fact: I have a secret illegal stash of cookie dough that I eat from.  It's my tasty runaway treat.

I don't know if the word "runaway" is a real adjective, but it feels right for what I want to portray.

A wise Franciscan once told some friends and I that if when we are alone, whether it be when we are studying, taking a walk, praying or simply staying still for a few quiet moments; if we are alone and don't feel lonely but feel peace, then we are where we are supposed to be.

We don't even have to be not-stressed out.  Our lives could be totally busy (did you know that busy is a vulgar word? A good friend told me that last week) but we can be at peace with ourselves despite that.

Peace in silence.  Matthew Kelly loves to talk about the "classroom of silence," the glorious hour where we look deep into ourselves in prayer, and "the all-still," a three-minute-long practice used by the British Royal Navy for when something goes wrong on a ship.  It is in these silent moments that we search inside for perspective, and learn to change whatever is wrong or to better whatever is already good.  Our actions reflect the confusion we have inside, so why not do some work in that department? Makes perfect sense.

In silence we can see things that aren't normally seen.  It seems pretty scary sometimes if there's a truth that exists that we wish didn't.  That's why what Sister Janet said makes perfect sense along with good ole' Matthew.  If we are at peace with ourselves in the loudspeakers of silence, then of course would it be true that our hearts are where they are supposed to be?

Now of course, we are constantly moving.  We are constantly growing.  Where we are at the moment most certainly is not where we will be in the near future, be it ten years or ten minutes from now.  We were made to grow in love and life.  So maybe, yes, I will never be exactly satisfied with myself.  So what does this mean about being where I'm supposed to be?  This peace must be one of satisfaction, and perhaps of some type of happy longing? I dunno, I'll let someone know what perfect peace is like when I get to heaven (I aspire big) and truly figure out what it means to be the best version of oneself.

It's really hard to have silence sometimes.  It takes such discipline.  I was listening to Michael Buble on Pandora when I started blogging away on this post, and then when I started thinking about what I wanted to say I realized that I wasn't even in silence.  As much as I have grown to appreciate silence, it's a battle to turn the noise off.  But the peace that I have in silence totally pwns any noise.  It's my "runaway"-happy-yummy of life.

Right now, I am at peace.  All I can hear are the murmurs of my laptop and the footsteps of my foolish brothers upstairs doing some kind of commotion.  Yes, I am longing for another bit of cookie dough, and I long to grow more in many aspects of my life.  But I am at peace.  I am satisfied.  It's some good stuff.

I am happy and I did nothing exciting today according to society, but I can't help but feel so wealthy.  It must be the runaway cookies.

~Esa Cita